There’s nothing quite as magical as the shimmering inscriptions of tangled sigils needed to spell out places like Ainderby Quernhow, Weedley Copse, or Upper Poppleton. A shiny whippet to the first of you to correctly identify which of these are real and which were invented for the “roguelite word puzzle role-playing game” Sternly Worded Adventures. Actually, forget it. I’m not made of whippets, and you can just as easily find out for yourself via the Steam demo. I think you should, if only because “I killed a slime while spelling the word Toblerone” is easily in my top 10 gaming moments of the year.
Wait. What?! What do you mean, asshole, “Toblerone” isn't a word?
A bloody parody, that's what it is. I'll tell you that sternly, buddy. That's how the game describes itself. Although, as we've already established, it doesn't hesitate to lie to your face.
Sternly Worded Adventures is a roguelite role-playing game inspired by Bookworm Adventures, in which you travel across a wooded peninsula of Yorkshire-sounding place names, battling monsters with the power of words to uncover all the dark secrets that lie beyond.
The game also features over 8 different classes, over 15 enemies, over 180 items, and the ability to “spell words with over 25 different letters.” That last bit took me a second, but I'll forgive you for the Toblerone insult now.
The demo itself seems quite generous, giving you a good chunk of the adventure, as well as “full access” [to] “I'm a big fan of Wordle, even though I've never played it, because it allows me to complain about Toblerones for a living.”
I couldn’t end this article without asking our Yorkshire resident Edwin for his thoughts. Here’s what he had to say about the game making fun of the good people of Wigglesworth: “Wigglesworth is in North Yorkshire, the northernmost county in England – Durham, Cumbria and Northumberland don’t count because they’ve been infiltrated by the Scots and turned into stale Mars bar factories, and don’t even get me started on smoking Tyne & Wear, which looks like a brand of shaving cream. I lived on the border of North Yorkshire when I was young. We didn’t have Toblerones back then, just pieces of dry stone wall wrapped in foil, and if we saw a slime crossing the green we’d have killed it. This game looks as stupid as a brush.”